10.12.2002

Tomorrow I'm heading back to Madison, after this wonderful timeout in Milwaukee. I never do a whole lot here in 'Wauk town, but it's a great place to read and think and write and drink and get all hopped up on coffee and look for original experiences and walk around and be in pleasant weather.
Some day, when I am older but still young, I will make my home here. It will be a thoroughly urban life, filled with opulent pleasures and fatuous routines. My life will consist of takeout and movies, books. The racial tension will occasionally boil over into violence, but I will live safely removed from any threat, connected only by a newspaper.
Not really. I'll probably never live here, but I like my fantasies.

Right now Carl is on the back porch, roasting coffee beans in his popcorn popper. In twenty minutes I expect to drink the best cup of coffee I've ever had.
Life is pretty good around here. I am constantly dumbfounded why I haven't moved to Milwaukee yet. This morning I woke up and strolled to a bookstore and picked up a copy of "Desperate Characters". That's the book we chose for the first cycle of book club. I was disappointed with the store, and really most bookstores, because the selection of graphic novels was lame. I want to pick up a copy of Watchmen, but alas.
We're listening to The Magnetic Fields' 69 Love Songs. So transcendent.

10.11.2002

So right now I'm chillin' like a villain in my favorite city - 'Wauk town. Just unwinding, forgetting about the past week. This place does something to me. Or maybe it's the people; my oldest friends are here. Maybe it's both.
But in any event, I'm going to scout some fun for the next two days. My heart is heavy with fondness, but I cannot be touched by sadness here.

Sorry. I guess mouthnoize does have a page.

ps. I can't link to mouthnoize because he doesn't have a site. hint hint.

Here's a shout-out to mouthnoize, for sending some Stevie Wonder my way.
Like, wow. Hearing this stuff is an experience akin to when I first heard Abbey Road two years ago. Changed my whole perspective.

10.10.2002

Ah, drudgery. I feel like hell.

Silver lining: from the conversation Lee and I had last night, I gleaned a kernel for a short story. Writing as therapy.

Vicissitudes

I'm single again. As though to acknowledge confusion and depression, a fog has covered the 'burg. I'm compelled to try my hand at poetry again. But I resist.
I've decided to withdraw from social activities for a while. I'll still make the usual rounds, picking up Lili, band practice, going to work, etc. All that. But I just don't feel like "going out" for a good time. Last night, at The Plaza with interrobang, I was filled with contempt, loathing for these masses. They drown in stupid, animal urges and desperate attempts to kill boredom.
I want to be mostly alone for a time. I've long been shy around strangers; right now I barely want to be near the people I know. It's high time to iron some of the wrinkles out of the corners of my life. High time to put distance between this moment and the next one. Time to hurt for a bit, and think about why.
This post probably sounds so blah blah blah Lee broke up with me blah blah blah, but there's this fog, and right now I can't see through it. And the sun doesn't shine through it and all I can hear is the sounds of cars racing by. And what I have to do is push through it the only way I know how.
I wish I was 9 again.

10.09.2002

The roommate brought home a stray cat last night. Curse him. It's a nicer cat than Boing, but far more irritating. It has this pathetic scared-of-everything aspect, even after it decided to disregard Boing's pathetic attempts at asserting turf rights.
It made me sneeze, and this morning mewed mournfully at me the whole time I fixed my breakfast, ate it, and left for work. If it's still there when I get home from work today, I'm taking it to the Humane Society.
No love lost between me and it.

10.08.2002

I just installed Mozilla web browser. I like it already. The biggest and most obvious improvement over previous web browsers is the tabbed interface, so I don't have to use ten million different instances of IE to do web research.
Totally sweet.

So I see interrobang has gone silent. I hope this doesn't mean more readers for my site. I've got enough pressure with the existing audience.
These weblogs are funny things, though, the way word gets around and how people find each other. I suppose it's the promise of the Internet, that it's bringing us closer, each to every other.
I ran about two miles again today, and I'm exhausted. Can't focus on much. I'd have a shot of coffee, but I'm trying to cut back.

Band practice last night turned out very well. We were minus two members (they thought it more important to be spectators) but that didn't matter, as James tossed out a completely transcendent suggestion to play "Joan Pa Snippin" in minor. So we tried it and it rocked.
After practice, I went home and irritated the roommate with my television choices. I also produced an initial draft of my winter MeFi Swap CD. While listening to it, I fell asleep.
I think I'm going to go running during lunch today. Seeing how the weather will hold.

10.07.2002

Ahem. I guess I have to be the person to point this out, but these serial sniper shootings, they're terrorism.
I know it's difficult for Americans to accept the idea of domestic terrorism, but it's about time we started. Remember Timothy McVeigh? I know most want to write him off as a crazed right-wing-live-free-or-die radical, but he's a terrorist. And these snipings, they're classic terrorism. It's too random to be a serial killer. And my guess is, it's probably a US citizen.
So maybe it's only a criminally insane person. But I'd put good money on two things: the first, that it takes a while for the cops to catch whoever is doing this, and second, that when they catch said person, he will have a pretty good grasp of his faculties.

Over lunch, I ran approximately two miles. I cough; I weeze.
But I also feel better.

I watched half of The Searchers with Lee last night. That movie never fails to get me. The first twenty minutes are, by themselves, better than the duration of many lesser movies made since then.
Consider the lost love between Ethan and Martha. It's only mentioned very obliquely in the script ("Martha wouldn't let a man quit" followed by the uncomfortable silence) but masterfully illustrated by Ford's direction. We see Ethan pause with Martha when he first arrives, and the way she tenderly handles his coat. After the Reverend Samuel Clayton assembles his company of Rangers, he stares away, drinking his coffee, while Ethan and Martha exchange a tender moment.
Of course, this lost love (followed by the rape and murder of Martha by the Comanche) is what drives the remaining HOUR and FORTY MINUTES of the rest of the movie. It's cinematic brilliance.
And then the gorgeous photography of Monument Valley - it is the definitive landscape of the stereotypical "West". Perhaps that's what I find so compelling about the film: it perfectly articulates the stereotype of The Wild West, all others are pale imitators.

Lately I've been feeling uncharacteristically run-down and tired. A Droopy kind of feeling by seven o'clock every night. Which is odd because I've slept remarkably well for several days now (Thursday night not included). I get the feeling I could sleep ten hours a night with only a blink of the eye. I won't complain about the ability to sleep deeply, but I want more energy in my days.
Which brings me back, as always, to the subject of exercise. Months ago, when I ran regularly, I felt superhuman. I worked like a juggernaut. I remained mentally alert until bedtime, at which point I very simply went to sleep. I required less sleep, as it was a more restful sleep. Nuclear rays shot out of my eyes and I punched through brick walls.
So what do I do now? I obsess, I write about it. I say to myself, "gee, I should run again." A braniac, I am. And a bit jealous, I am, since there's someone else out there who has found the motivation to run most of the week, and I hide beneath warm blankets in the morning. Maybe I'm just lazy - it wouldn't be the first evidence of it.
Or maybe today, at lunch, I should just go with it, and run for half an hour. Maybe that's all I have to say about this.