10.10.2002

Vicissitudes

I'm single again. As though to acknowledge confusion and depression, a fog has covered the 'burg. I'm compelled to try my hand at poetry again. But I resist.
I've decided to withdraw from social activities for a while. I'll still make the usual rounds, picking up Lili, band practice, going to work, etc. All that. But I just don't feel like "going out" for a good time. Last night, at The Plaza with interrobang, I was filled with contempt, loathing for these masses. They drown in stupid, animal urges and desperate attempts to kill boredom.
I want to be mostly alone for a time. I've long been shy around strangers; right now I barely want to be near the people I know. It's high time to iron some of the wrinkles out of the corners of my life. High time to put distance between this moment and the next one. Time to hurt for a bit, and think about why.
This post probably sounds so blah blah blah Lee broke up with me blah blah blah, but there's this fog, and right now I can't see through it. And the sun doesn't shine through it and all I can hear is the sounds of cars racing by. And what I have to do is push through it the only way I know how.
I wish I was 9 again.

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