10.22.2002

I'm more depressed than I previously thought. It's mostly due to a lack of organization. Living in as small a place as I do, and having no plan for anything, my life has become littered with unsatisfying chaos.

I can't think. I don't sleep well. I've got half a grip on a creative outlet, but sometimes I fear that having had another kid in the past year will force me to leave that behind too.

The defeats of the past year have, in and of themselves, been manageable. But combined, this past year has probably been my worst. Both my dad's parents died. A summer girlfriend I never got along with that well, well, she got pregnant. Now I'm Dad x 2. I found someone who made me stand tall and fearless at the edge of this vortex, but she left me for reasons I can't fully articulate or understand. And then there's this foot business.

To all those prone to worry: I will get through this. There is no other choice but to push on, bearing what I find on my shoulders. There is no other choice but to keep living.

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